All I really want

There is a small or maybe hidden in plain sight reference in this post. If you find it you win a price. Maybe I’ll send you a print of one of my pictures. This post is one of the many steps in making my life an aspirational life.

intellectual intercourse
Intellectual Intercourse (2017)
Panasonic GX8 + M.Zuiki 25mm/F1.8@F2.0 1/60s ISO 1250

Photographic Notes
I found this statue incredibly beautiful. Even though it was made from cold and hard metal it looks just so soft and sensual. I wonder what she would like to talk about if she came alive in the moment I took her picture? One of the great pleasures in my life is to visit museums like this with lovely people and have intellectual intercourse about the objects we see and the symbols we feel. I can not tell you more about the statue. I forgot the name and artist. I could find its place in the museum with ease though.

I want more patience

Waiting is not my biggest strength in fact I am a very impatient person. It never really led to good decisions. While there are certainly problems with being too patient I am leaning a bit much to the impatient side. But I feel that lately patience seems to easier.

I no longer want to dissect everything

Having been through therapy and analysis for a good part of my life I tend to dissect and analyze everything and everyone myself included. While this is certainly helpful it also tends to be quite exhausting and gets in the way of actually living and experiencing. So instead of keeping this dissecting and analyzing thought process going all the time I want to limit it to certain times. That is why I started to write a dairy every evening to do exactly that.

I want to calm the angry voice inside

I am tend to be angry inside. I know why. I have EOG. No seriously I know where my anger comes from and it just tends to eat me up inside. But I do not think that actively calming the voice inside is a good solution, I have been trying this for years. It seems that not giving this voice undue attention leads to it calming down. Like a small child that screams even more when it sees that their parents come with their attention whenever it falls down on the playground.

I want deliverance from myself

I want to be free and I want to be free from myself especially. Most of the things that stopped me from experiencing life came from myself. Things I though I ought to do or not do. Fears that were not realistic. Especially the fear of not being liked or loved by others. Who cares about others as long as there are some people who like and love me for who I am. If we look very carefully most of the limits we come up against are put in place by ourselves. No matter if they originate from society, other people, social norms or parental expectations, we ourselves decide to obey those limits. Or even worse we decide nothing and just default to them.

I am frustrated by apathy

I can no longer bear people who do not care passionately about themselves. People who are apathetic to their needs, wishes and dreams but also pain, loss and sadness. People who do not care much about these things out of fear or because they have never learned to be passionate about themselves. I would rather meet people who passionately search their souls, taking the emotional roller coaster, being themselves, allowing their feelings to shine through good or bad than the people who numb themselves with a boring and apathetic existence. It might sound like it but I do not want to judge. Maybe they are happy in their way…but I can not relate to such a life and it feels frustrating at times trying to find a connection with someone apathetic.

I want to find a soulmate or at least a kindred

We are all looking for a soulmate. Most of us won’t find one. It is an idea and an ideal. But still I like to find one and when I do it does not matter what our relationship looks like. Partners, friends, lovers, father and daughter … I would not care. If I were a betting man I would say the latter is the most likely soulmate. But I can and I have found kindred souls. People with whom I share a passion, a suffering, a crisis, a certain way to see the world, laughter or daily life. They all are in their sum a soulmate.

I want intellectual intercourse

You heard people say that intelligence is sexy? It is not intelligence it is intellectual exchange. It is being able to hold a stimulating conversation. To say something meaningful. To be able to listen with intent and to understand the other person. To see the big picture. To connect the dots from your own life to the life of others around you. To pull down large concepts and how they relate to everyday life and how everyday life leads to those large concepts again. This kind of intercourse is the most sexy one. Especially when laying naked in bed holding each other after the sexual kind.

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